Hey guys!! I am still in Boston town before Australia and I have my sweet friend Kari posting for me today. I have so much in common with this girl its not even funny. Lawyer? check. Mediator? Check. Loves to read and write? Check and Check. Living in Manhattan? Ok … so no check but damn the girl lives in one of the best cities in the world! Enough of me, Kari you take it from here…
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Oh hey, girl. I’m Kari, and I’m guest posting for our dear Kay while she travels around the globe like the socialite she is. I blog over at The Kari Diaries, where I post about books, weird but sometimes sweet stories that could only happen to me, and how to feel beautiful as well as other real life things. I’m really bad at introductions, so let’s just pretend we’re old friends and skip over all that, yes? Ok. Still here? Excellent.
Through the many conversations I’ve had with Kay, one thing has been confirmed: we both suffer from baby fever. Now I’m sure Kay would make an excellent mom, but me? I can think of quite a few reasons I probably shouldn’t be given my own little ball of squish. If you’re nursing a case of baby fever, you should probably evacuate immediately. Except please don’t 🙂
I have no patience.
You guys, it’s bad. I am one of the most impatient people ever. I cannot deal with people who move slowly or do things inefficiently. And ironically enough, I hate waiting, even though I’m always late which inevitably keeps people waiting. Ugh, I need to get my liiffeee. To say my boyfriend hates my impatience would be an understatement, so I’ve gotten better with it over time (or else I’m sure he would’ve peaced out a while ago). But still, children are never on time, they move like their wading through molasses, and the word child and efficient are practically antonyms. I’ll have to conquer my impatience before I can even think of having a baby.
|J Law always knows what’s up.|
Everything my baby does will be the cutest thing
… and I’ll be the most embarrassing mom ever. Imagine a little 4 year old cutie pie, whining “Mom!” as I smother him with kisses. That’s me. Everything involving children laughing or smiling, performing in the school talent show, getting an A on an exam, singing the lyrics to the new Katy Perry song, putting a Cherrio heart on dad’s chest – insert a million other cutesy kid moments – and I’m bawling happy tears. Baby’s first pee-pee will be commemorated with 17 pictures of a little naked tush standing in front of the big boy potty. Instagram friends prepare for a gazillion photographs of the first day of school. Goodness, my kid will probably ask to be dropped off around the corner from school, years before other children realize their parents are too embarrassing to be seen with in public.
I know, I know. Kids will be kids and all that. But, seriously, I may go crazy if anyone is mean to my baby. The thought of bullies in school makes me really sad. There’s a documentary called Bully that depicts the way children treat each other on the school bus and ever since seeing this, I’ve definitively decided that my future child will never ride it. I really can’t help the protective streak that pulses through me when I think about bullying and children in general. I could never be a teacher, and I should be kept 15 feet from all playgrounds at all times.
My children will run rampant.
I won’t be able to discipline my babies for shit. Have you ever heard of “Bebe’s kids”? It’s a term used to describe unruly children. It comes from the title of a 1990s animated movie about four children who run a muck in an amusement park.
Now, I’m not talking about teenagers, because it’ll take but just one time for my daughter to talk back for me to nip that in the bud. But when my two-year-old finds her way into mommy’s blush, I’ll squish her cheeks and parade her in front of her dad like a little beauty queen, instead of getting upset. As my toddler stamps his little feet in protest when it’s time to leave the toy store, I’ll have trouble insisting when I just wanna laugh and hold him close.
Who’s the child here?
I’m probably more of a child than he will ever be. I’m a big kid. Disney channel is my jam. I could watch Good Luck Charlie and Girl Meets World all day. Some days, I don’t wake up until well after noon and I can’t be depended on to eat a balanced diet. A handful of pretzels and an ice cream sandwich or two sounds like dinner to me. Ninety percent of the books I’ve read this year have been young adult, and I’m itching to read the Harry Potter series this holiday season. I get all worked up about the littlest things and I can throw a tantrum with the best of them. My husband will have to pry the chocolate cake from both me and my baby’s hands as we watch Saturday morning cartoons on the sofa in our pajamas. Or maybe he’ll just grab a fork and join us, if he’s smart 🙂
Do you have baby fever too? Tell me about it in the comments below!